Going into this, I thought that this would be a good ol' fashioned spooky romp. From what I knew about it, the first side was a series of narrated stories backed by sound effects that fit the situation. The second side was a collection of straight sound effects. I noticed something strange, however, about these narrated tracks: every single one has you (the narrator refers to "you") dying or getting hurt in some way. In "The Haunted House", you enter a dilapidated old mansion. And never leave. In "The Dogs", dogs (somehow) enter your house and (I assume) maul you to death. In "Timber", you fall off a falling tree branch. In "Shipwreck", the ship you command crashes into the shore when you go down to reassure the passengers. A seemingly sturdy bridge breaks out from under you in "The Unsafe Bridge", and you plummet to your death. In "The Birds", birds peck your brains out the moment you step outside. In "Your Pet Cat", your loyal cat turns on you all of a sudden and claws your eyes out. [caption id="attachment_268" align="aligncenter" width="300"] That balloon is your HEAD[/caption] Even the narrator ends up killing you, but not before taunting you. In "The Very Long Fuse", a fuse is burning, counting down to your imminent doom. The fuse almost burns out, as you breathe in relief, only to have the narrator blow it back into burning. Right when the fuse is about to end, the narrator goes "Poof!" and then teases you, saying that you were expecting a huge explosion. This doesn't seem so bad... until the explosion happens. Even the narrator is out to get you. Now you're thinking, "surely the emptiness of space will protect me from all the dangers of Earth, right?" Nope. Aliens eat you as soon as you arrive to Mars, in "The Martian Monsters." Literally everything is out to kill you. On top of all this existential horror, there's even a bit of oh-so-pleasant racism. In the track "Chinese Water Torture", it ends with the narrator doing a voice that you would make if you were trying to make fun of a Chinese person, for whatever reason. But hey, the album was released in 1964.... If I've learned anything from this, it is this: nothing is safe and the world is trying to kill you. Never thought I'd learn that from Walt Disney. On Halloween night, you all can go trick-or-treating or partying or whatever. Me? I'll be hiding in my room where it's safe. Unless of course my bedsheets end up strangling me, or something. Have a happy (and humorous) Halloween from KANM! - Connor Twohey